Macbeth Alternate Ending

Act Five Scene Five
(In the throne room upon Macbeth’s castle)

Seyton
My good lord, thy scout sights the English battlements upon Birnam wood.

Macbeth
Ha! Troubles me not till they convey with them Birnam wood to high Dunsinane against me!
   ((A cry within of women)
What is that noise?

Seyton
It is cry of women, my good lord.

Macbeth
I have almost forgotten the taste of fears. My senses have rendered null by treacherous thought. To hear a night shriek; and my fell of hair rouse a forgotten curse where murmured the voice of ethereal child that whispers shortly after the sitting of the urban play - seven days.

Seyton
That was just seven days ago sir.

Macbeth
Yikes!
   (Enter Doctor with lady Macbeth bleeding from the ears.
Wherefore was that cry?

Doctor
I bring dread news my lord. Oversaturated with solemn thought, fair lady Macbeth has cleaved her own ears out to block unwelcome murmurs and has become mute.

Macbeth
Tis true my lady?

Lady Macbeth
Ay my lord.

Macbeth
Give her tendings.
   (Leave Doctor with lady Macbeth. Enter a Messenger.)
Thou coms’t to use thy tongue; thy story quickly.

Messenger
Gracious my lord, I should report that which I saw, but know not how to do ‘t.

Macbeth
Well, say, sir.

Messenger
As I did stand my watch upon the hill, I looked toward Birnam, and anon, methought, the wood began to move.

Macbeth
Liar and slave!

Messenger
Yes, sorry my lord.

Macbeth
Hang him!
   (Enter soldier with English scout.
What now?

Soldier
Here be a blind scout of English blood to map our position.

Macbeth
Blind! What mockery tis is to mirror thy image to that of a frolicking man. Severe his  head        and toss it back with my regards.
   (Blind Scout starts running
Tis a futile haste, recapture him quickly.
   (Blind scout runs over a window ledge.
Nevermind.

Act Five Scene Six

(Enter, with drums, Malcolm, Old Siward, Macduff, Samara, etc, and army with bows.

Malcolm
Now near enough. How holds your incantation Samara the wicked?

Samara
My curse is treacherous, it burdens him deep where he can never hide. Tis mind gives entity to fowl spirits that burden his path with pickles…err I mean prickles. To fear he is flogged and with fear he controls, reluctant souls. I will never stop.

Malcolm
Shall, with my cousin, (to old Siward) your right noble son, head our first battle:
Worthy Macduff and we shall take upon ‘s what else remains to do, according to our order.

Siward
Fare you well - Do we but find the tyrant’s power tonight, let us be beaten if we cannot fight.

Macduff
There lies the cowards den; a wraith of blood and death, who’s treachery and blasphemy renders him waste of breath.

    (Young Siward leads the charge and old Siward readies his bow and arrow.

Malcolm
Whis’t though aim with sight’s closed?

Siward
Thy bow shall by celestial beings be guided. I need not aim for my arrow flies true.
   Siward fires the arrow.

Act Five Scene Seven

   ((Upon the walls of Macbeth’s Castle with fighting breaking out)
   Young Siward appears behind Macbeth.

Young Siward
Die treacherous swine!
   (Young Siward is hit in the back by an arrow
Hirk!
   (Young Siward falls over the castle walls.
AAAAAAAAAAH! Thud!
   (Macbeth turns around.

Macbeth
What was that?

Seyton
I don’t know.

Macbeth
Thy blade runs cold of treachery, and all of treachery has burdened my dreams of late. Thy loathe this cruel fate of treacherous treachery. Had I return to time of need to avert this treacherous…Seyton!


Seyton
Yes my lord?

Macbeth
Get me a thesaurus.

(Exit Seyton and Macbeth.

   Alarms. Enter Macduff.

Macduff.
Where’st though hide you craven tyrant. Thous’t blood is for my sword alone, and
Not to suffer in the shadow of my wife and children’s ghosts. I swear by thy honor and valour that though shalt not be slain by any other blade then mine. Let thee fates side by righteousness

Act Five Scene Eight

   ((Within the walls of the great wall of China. Nah just messin)

   (Enter Macbeth

Macbeth
Why should I play the Scottish fool who made an obviously stupid mistake to cast mine good fortune for this?

   (Enter Macduff

Macduff
Turn, hell-hound, turn!

Macbeth
Thous’t speak for his own self for the man who’s playfulness has abandoned his own blood.

Macduff
Playfulness?

Macbeth
Seyton! You gave me a dam Websters Thesaurus!

Macduff
Let thou befall his just untimely demise now!

   (A castle watch tower is struck by lightning and falls on Macbeth, a castle wall then                   

   collapses on top of Macbeth, a dozen barrels of T.N.T roll into the debris and explodes.    
   A meteorite then strikes the spot with vast destruction.

   A moment of silent shock.

  Macbeth crawls out of the debris.

Macbeth
I’m ok!

Macduff
The fates jest!?

Macbeth
Thy shalt not be slain by you, or any man here of women born!

Macduff
Despair thy charm; and let the angel whom thou still hast served tell thee, Macduff was from his mother’s womb untimely ripped.

Macbeth
What the…

Macduff
Save thee fowl tongue for mine is virgin!

Macbeth
Oh yeah? Say puck with your fingers in your mouth!

Macduff
Puck! Aw you tricked me!

Macbeth
MWAHAHAHA!

Macduff
Enough words! Die!

   (Macduff cuts Macbeth’s throat.

Macbeth
Hirk! Oh my throat has been cut very deeply! And it really hurts! Oh had I not so vastly insulted the lineage of kings! Oh had I not be the villain who represents the
Snake under the flower of a famous medallion that symbolized a famous plot to blow up the king with a one and a half tone of gunpowder found in possession of a group of Catholics.
   Macbeth climbs the stairs to the castle wall along with his speech.
Oh how a great line of kings may come to be, and one greatest of all may be named a great name like King James. Oh had I not insulted this man with keen interest in witches who’s vast knowledge and wisdom would not allow such trickery. Oh, hell drags me under, oh!

   (Macbeth falls over the castle walls. Thud!
   Enter Malcolm, Siward, Rosse, Thanes and Soldiers.

Malcolm
I would the friends we miss were safe arrived.

Rose
Your son my lord, has paid a soldiers dept: He only lived but till he was a man; In the unshrinking station where he fought, but like a man he died.

Siward
Had he his hurts before?

Rose
No, an arrow to his back, with a message tied to it reading, let angels guide this arrow to justice!

Siward
…

Macduff
Hail, King! For so thou art -

Macbeth
Oh how I wish I had not died in vein and in regret. And in this telling, I don’t suggest any insult to the lineage of Kings, namely King James by allowing the King to fall to my trap, this King is only a fictional character, nothing else.
   Macbeth falls

Malcolm
I thought he was dead?

Macduff
I’m pretty sure he was -

Macbeth
Oh how I wish I could once again grasp the throne, and with thus granted power invested in me, surprise rich and poor, young and old with delicious cheese burgers.

Soldiers and Thanes
Cheeseburgers?

Macbeth
Yes, deliciously made on the spot, cheese burgers with cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, and BBQ fried 100% beef.

Soldiers and Thanes
Tis the true king of Scotland!

Malcolm
WHAT! I am the true and rightful heir of the throne!

Thanes
But you don’t have burgers.

Malcolm
Fair enough.

All
Hail, King of Scotland, and hereby named the great Burger King!

Macbeth
The King’s pain, is your gain!